Negative self-talk
We all experience self-doubt and self-critical thoughts sometimes. Your inner critic may take many forms. It may show up with thoughts like:
‘You’re an embarrassment.’
‘You’ll never be good at this.’
‘You’re not talented enough to do this.’
‘You’re a bad person.’
Your inner critic may:
deny or belittle your achievements: ‘You are not good enough’
compare you to others: ‘I’m not as clever/strong/smart/attractive as them’
We all experience negative self-talk sometimes but it becomes problematic if it becomes very loud, and can impact your self-esteem, self-image and mental health. It can even cause chronic pain and illness.
It may help to ask yourself...
How do I experience your inner critic?
What purpose does it serve?
Are there other moments or people in my life that have made me feel the same as I feel now?
Where does your inner critic come from?
An overly harsh inner critic stems from varied reasons, for example:
- Rejection and/or judgement
- Negative experiences of failure
- External societal pressures and expectations
- Being bullied at school, being abandoned and adverse childhood experiences
Does your inner critic sound familiar?
- We all carry imprints from our past and external messages causing shame can be internalised and impact our self-image.
- They often develop, through adverse childhood experiences as a way of protecting our younger selves.
- Although your inner critic may have initially protected you from vulnerable and/or harmful situations, it becomes harmful when it impacts your self-image, limits your behaviours and experiences, and causes or increases physical symptoms and/or pain.
Healing through self-compassion
- Self-critical thoughts feed into a cycle of negativity, but the cycle can be interrupted!
- You can learn how to rewire your negative thought patterns.
When these thoughts arise notice them:
I am too awkward, I’ll never be able to attend that social event
acknowledge the thought...
I hear you. I feel anxious that people will judge or dislike me...
...and challenge it
...but I am also proud of myself for facing difficult situations. A younger part of me is scared, and I know I can do this now.
If you are struggling with a very harsh inner critic
- Know that it is absolutely ok to reach out for professional support and/or to a friend or loved one.
- Therapy can create a safe space to process these feelings; you don’t have to do this alone.
- Reframe negative self-talk when it pops up: try to notice it, acknowledge it and remind yourself of your achievements
- Try slow breathing in and out, you may want to place a hand on your heart, to help regulate your nervous system.
- Forgive your mistakes and remember that no one can ever be perfect, it is human to make mistakes!
- Ask yourself: if a friend spoke to you the way your inner critic does, how would you view them?
- Mindfulness techniques and journalling can be useful techniques for noticing and healing from negative self-talk.
- Allow time for self-soothing and self-care activities.